No Matter How Devastating Your Circumstances Are

               the answer is never submerging yourself back into your addiction.

I've taken a short brake from my blog, although I've been writing this article in my head the entire time.

John Lennon once said that "Life happens while you are making other plans". 

This statement has hit the nail on the head concerning the last few years of my life.  Everything I thought I had, built and stood for has been seriously challenged.  While I still can't go into details, imagine the worst that could happen and multiply that by 10.
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Food had been my comfort and solace for decades and I found myself laying on my bed sobbing and thinking that it would be so easy to get up and numb myself with food. For a small parcel of time, I wouldn't have to think, to feel or care. 

 So easy. So very easy. And so it went on for awhile with me lying there telling myself that all I had to do was binge until the numbness overtook me.

                                                      There's just no going back to this.


I  never did get up.  First of all, crap is no longer withing easy reach. I would have had to get in the car and go get it all. I couldn't get dressed no less venture out.  I had also come so far emotionally that in reality, this was never going to be a real option for me again.  It definitely wouldn't have been the same experience.

I also realized that these thoughts are normal for someone who's suffered with food addiction or addiction of any kind.  The thoughts came and they eventually passed.  I allowed myself to feel the devastation.  While the pain was almost beyond unbearable, I knew that in order to move past it, I had to wade through it. I'm still wading.

It is healthy to give into your true feelings and emotions.  Strength comes from facing your fears and doing it anyway.  I've had to strip down to my bare soul and begin healing from the inside out.It's slow and the pain is piercing.  No excuses, no blame, just facing certain truths.  I am not exactly enjoying this process, but I know it is necessary. 

 "It would be so easy" is not part of my mindset anymore. Just know that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone.