"Self Care"

   Trending buzz words you should actually pay attention to.

My favorite coffee guys at Lakewinds Co-op, Richfield, Mn.

 Here it is Sunday again, and I'm at my favorite place to buy quality produce and relax for a couple of hours before I dig into my day.  Everyone knows not to expect me for quite awhile and they don't bother me unless it's an emergency.   In other words, someone had better be bleeding from the head.     
I usually get a snack here, or a little salad from the bar and a cup of their wonderful coffee or tea.  Across the room is a group of really happy talkative ladies knitting, sewing a little doll and other things.  I just know they're not in a rush to get anywhere either.  Good for you ladies!
Notice that I said I came here and didn't dig into the day first.  Doing everything else is a really good way not to sit down and recharge.  There is always more to do, never less. This is why I have had to retrain  myself to come first. It's quite meditative not to have to be somewhere until I'm ready to. 
How incredibly selfish of me! You have responsibilities and people to take care of. There are beds, dishes, meals, laundry, rides to give and groceries to get. Guess what?  It will all still be there.  However, after some quality time with me, myself  and I  I'll be much more willing and able to do it. 
I don't think I ever saw my father pick up a dish or clear a table.  It didn't matter if my mother had eaten or not.  He did cook sometimes though, because he enjoyed it.  My mother always had to work long hour,s sometimes graveyard.  She always gave him every single dime she earned.  She would tell me it was important to do things like that because men have fragile egos.  I used to cringe.  We also had terrible nutrition because we couldn't afford healthy food,  partly because she never wanted to "upset" our father with bills.  In fact, the last words my mother ever spoke to me the day before she died of cancer at 57 was "don't stay on the phone too long with your sister. Your father has bills".  Wow.
I found myself doing the same thing throughout my first marriage.  I did all the "woman's work" and God they were pigs. Every day I started at one end of the house and worked all the way through the first and second floor, only to have to do it all over the next day.  My husband didn't even want me to teach the boys how to do housework. Pretty much the whole 17 years were like that.  His career, his promotions, moving 13 times because it benefited him.  His mother used to tell me that I got the mellowed one.  It was also during those years that my shopping and eating disorder addictions took their stronghold.  When you have no control, you find things to control. (although, all those things are really out of control)
When you don't take quality time for yourselves, you're really no good to anyone, especially you.  You're constantly tired, yet you can't sleep, eat meals on the fly through a drive thru. There were times I fell asleep in my clothes without a shower. How is this good for anybody?
In a world where we now have to literally schedule a date night with your partner, we need to do the same for ourselves. This is not all I do for myself.  During the week, there are other little things that are just for me personally.  Nothing earth shattering  in the scheme of things.  To me, however, they will make a whole world of difference.